"Why can't you just move on?" - Myth Busting 101, V1

There is no timeline on healing from sexual violence. And on top of not needing a reason for that to be true, there also are neurobiological reasons for that.

"If it's been eight years, what could they possibly need now?"

"It's been two years, how is she still crying about this?"

"How long are you going to keep talking about this until you just let it go?"

"Ignore her, she brings this up all the time and she just won't move on."

As the founder of this nonprofit, I have heard the above statements exactly as they are written in multiple settings- professional, personal, and out and about just living my life. These statements have come up in multiple situations where there was a major lack of understanding about trauma from people who confided in their loved ones or trusted professionals in their field, and they were failed.

Sexual violence is a traumatic experience, and it is normal and expected to have a traumatic response. This is a completely normal and human response to a situation that shakes the survivor-victim's sense of safety and overall perception of the world around them. There is no timeline on healing from an incident that permanently disrupts the way you exist in and experience the world around you and the people that you interact with.

Moving forward is possible, but it commonly takes time, patience, a lot of trial and error than we often see that grace is given for, and a deep understanding that although things will never be as they were, there are still ways of finding meaning in life after this violence.

Our team and our model is not based on initial crisis response. We see our community partners doing this challenging and important work, and we know that there are systems in place who will be there for immediate needs (although we will be sharing our curated resources shortly).

What our team does is short-to-long-term recovery and wellness as a healing model, in community, so that survivors have access to healing modalities in many ways and can enjoy them in community who understand, so that they never have to face what someone did to them in isolation again.

The reason that we keep our programs open to survivors at any stage in their healing journey, whether it be 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, or 30 years from what they went through to today is because we know that life changes and new perspectives can also change the way they view their trauma and experiences. This is where some understanding of the neurobiology of trauma can help. For example, we know that moms who have a child that becomes the age that the mom was assaulted at can bring on new feelings of pain and grief that need a space to work through. We also know that moving to a new place, starting a new job, having a new date, making a new friend- all of these things, depending on your own personal experience- can bring up feelings around past traumas, and we are here to hold space for that, wherever you may be on your journey. It can be 8 years, 2 years, or 30+ years later and we will be there. We know that these experiences become a part of us in a way that only survivor-victims can truly express, and we are here to hold space for you and your loved ones at any point along the way.

Additionally, we know that many survivors in the early stages may feel embarrassment, shame, or any number of feelings about being associated with a sexual assault agency. We keep our services open to anyone who supports the cause for this reason- no one who walks through our doors will ever be asked to identify why they are there. It is your choice to share or not share, and no one will ever pressure you to do so. We rarely ever even ask unless it's during our support circle, where you are welcome to listen rather than speak. Our activities are open to all, and you will be amazed at the kindness projected from all who attend without every saying a word. We know that normalcy is part of the healing process, and we offer normalcy with a community who just gets it.

However, we also believe that labeling the violence we have endured is crucial to ending the sexual violence epidemic. We will not shy away from naming sexual assault or rape and encouraging the normalization of this vocabulary. We do not believe there is anything wrong about being a victim/survivor of sexual violence. We do believe there is something wrong with the way that when spoken of out loud, perpetrators are often left out of the conversation. We know that sexual violence thrives in silence. It doesn't solely take naming a perpetrator to combat the effects of this crime, but talking about it freely and openly, without stigma and shame, is the only way we can begin to pave pathways forward so that slowly, we can eradicate this violence.

We need more community to build us up after enduring this trauma, to dispel harmful myths (including about healing timelines), and to ensure we have what we need in this often times lifelong journey where our experiences, although they don't define us, are certainly often a major part of who we become and why we are the way that we are. We honor you at every step, and encourage you to reach out to us if you feel called to do so.